Now don’t go running to your boxes…I didn’t get one of these
for everyone! But, I thought it was
funny about all of our views on positive reinforcement. All too often, we assume people will motivate
themselves. I am guilty of this
assumption as well, but I think it becomes increasingly more dangerous with
kids. We often talk about how kids
SHOULD be intrinsically motivated or kids SHOULD be able to this or that or how
kids SHOULD do what we say because we said it.
But a world of “shoulds” can be a
dangerous place. I mean my house SHOULD
be made of doughnuts and my car SHOULD get 400 miles to the gallon. But, those SHOULDS are about as likely as the
ones we have about kids sometimes.
So, what do we do when kids don’t do what they should…. This is a great reminder this time of year,
in my opinion. We can’t punish them enough
to make them start taking ownership.
Punitive punishments don’t work.
Prisons don’t stop crime any more than writing lines causes
well-mannered children. Punitive is necessary
for several factors, but it is misplaced when we assume it will “fix kids.” This is an easy trap to fall into as
educators as well as parents.
My daughter had a very hard time remember to shut her closet
door. I mean every time I went in, it
was open. This was a problem because she
has a “Jack and Jill” and the bathroom door would always whack her open closet
door. So, I started with reason. “Honey, the door needs to be shut because it
will get scratched by the other door…”
Ok, that didn’t work. “I have
asked you to close that door every time you are in there, don’t you listen to
me???” Ok, that didn’t work. Hmmm. Ok time for the big guns. “Every time I see that door open, I get a
quarter, and if that doesn’t work after a week, we go up to a dollar!” By the second day, she was out $3.75. I have spoken on the matter, I know what she
SHOULD be motivated to do, and I have now even use punitive measures. Right now, I might could have won by using my
“size advantage,” but it still would have had to be done every time I wanted
that door shut. Ok, so what happened
next surprised me, and I should know about this positive stuff. I saw it closed one day. I told her she earned a quarter. She smiled.
End of story. She closes the door
now. All in all she is down $3.50, and
the problem was solved with a quarter.
She doesn’t even need more quarters.
Just the one affirmation.
So, how does that work with students…no you can’t bribe them
with quarters. But, you can find their “currency.” You can find something they want to earn or
be rewarded with and leverage that. Use
that as a motivator for them. We have to
get passed the notion of what they should be doing or why it isn’t fair to
reward a behavior they should already be doing, and we have to do what gets the
results and creates that intrinsic desire that we so badly want.
I know it is a silly example, but I wanted everyone to see
the importance of positive reinforcements.
They work. But, even if it flops,
why not start there first. Why not give
the positive out as a means first, so everyone feels better. It sure is simpler sometimes.
I appreciate all you do to reward and motivate kids. You guys are amazing!
Give yourself a pat on the back…..Happy Monday!
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